Burn the Good Girl Playbook: Beyond Mindset into Embodiment.
In Burn the Good Girl Playbook, we move beyond mindset into embodiment.
Because all the mindset world in the world doesn’t work unless your body feels safe enough to hold it.
So what does this actually mean?
Let’s take the belief that we’ve heard over and over as women.
”You should always put others first.” AKA It’s not feminine to…
...assert your needs. Good girls are selfless and accommodating; they don't make demands.
...say no. Good girls are agreeable and avoid conflict; they prioritize others' comfort over their own boundaries.
...prioritize your own well-being. Good girls put everyone else's needs first, often neglecting their own physical and emotional health.
...express anger or frustration. Good girls are pleasant and composed; they suppress "negative" emotions to maintain harmony.
...be ambitious. Good girls are supportive and nurturing; they don't compete or seek positions of leadership.
...take up space. Good girls are quiet and unobtrusive; they minimize their physical presence and voice.
...celebrate your achievements. Good girls are humble and self-deprecating; they downplay their accomplishments to avoid appearing boastful.
...prioritize your own pleasure or desires. Good girls are selfless and giving; they put others' happiness before their own.
...be independent and self-reliant. Good girls are nurturing and dependent; they rely on others for support and validation.
...challenge the status quo. Good girls are compliant and follow the rules; they don't rock the boat or question authority.
Okay. I get that. But how does this show-up in our bodies?
Believing "you should always put others first" in our bodies, as women, can have profound and often detrimental effects. It's not just a mental belief; it becomes embodied, shaping our posture, breath, and even our nervous system responses. Here's how it can manifest:
Physically:
Collapsed posture: Constantly prioritizing others can lead to a physical shrinking, rounding of the shoulders, and a lowered gaze, as if trying to take up less space.
Constricted breath: Holding back our needs and prioritizing others can restrict our breathing, leading to shallow breaths and a decreased sense of vitality.
Chronic tension: The constant pressure to please and prioritize others can create chronic muscle tension, particularly in the neck, shoulders, and jaw.
Exhaustion and burnout: Putting everyone else's needs first depletes our energy reserves, leading to chronic fatigue and burnout.
Emotionally:
Resentment and anger: Suppressing our own needs can breed resentment towards those we are constantly prioritizing. This resentment can manifest as passive-aggressive behavior or suppressed anger.
Guilt and shame: If we fail to meet the impossible standard of always putting others first, we may experience guilt and shame, further reinforcing the cycle of self-sacrifice.
Low self-worth: Constantly prioritizing others can lead to a diminished sense of self-worth, as our own needs and desires become secondary.
Anxiety and people-pleasing: The fear of disappointing others can lead to anxiety and a constant need to seek external validation.
Relationally:
Codependency: Putting others first can create unhealthy codependent relationships where we lose our sense of self in the process of caring for others.
Difficulty setting boundaries: Saying "no" becomes a challenge, leading to overcommitment and a feeling of being overwhelmed.
Attracting people who take advantage: When we consistently prioritize others' needs above our own, we may attract individuals who take advantage of our generosity and lack of boundaries.
Spiritually:
Disconnection from intuition: Ignoring our own needs can disconnect us from our inner wisdom and intuition, making it difficult to make choices that are aligned with our true selves.
Loss of purpose: When we are constantly focused on others, we may lose sight of our own purpose and passions, leading to a sense of emptiness and unfulfillment.
By understanding how this belief manifests in our bodies, we can begin to consciously interrupt these patterns and cultivate a more empowered way of being. This involves setting healthy boundaries, prioritizing self-care, and reclaiming our right to put ourselves first.
But Wait… I’ve been told that shifting my mindset is the work I need to do…
Yes, this can be a great start. It opens us up to curiosity. Which helps our bodies move towards the new beliefs.
And, mindset work alone doesn't create sustainable change around ingrained patterns like "always put others first" because these beliefs are held not just in our minds, but in our bodies. Think of it like this:
Mindset is the software: It's the conscious thoughts, beliefs, and affirmations we use to reprogram our thinking. It's like installing a new operating system on your computer.
The body is the hardware: It's the physical vessel that holds the imprints of our experiences, including the deeply ingrained patterns of the "good girl" programming. These patterns are stored in our nervous system, muscles, and even our cellular memory. It's like the hard drive of your computer.
If you try to run new software (empowering beliefs) on outdated hardware (a body conditioned to prioritize others), you'll encounter glitches. The body will resist the new programming because it doesn't feel safe. For example:
You might intellectually know that it's okay to say no, but your body tenses up, your voice trembles, and you end up saying yes anyway.
You might believe that you deserve to prioritize your well-being, but your body feels guilty and restless when you try to take time for yourself.
You might affirm your self-worth, but your posture remains collapsed and your breath shallow, reflecting the underlying belief that you're not important.
The body remembers. It holds the emotional residue of years of conditioning. Until we address these embodied patterns, true and lasting change remains half lived. That's why embodiment work is crucial. It's about:
Feeling safe enough in our bodies to get curious: Allows us to explore sensations without getting overwhelmed or shutting down. We can be with our experience, even when it's uncomfortable. This is the foundation for lasting change.
Bringing awareness to the physical sensations: Noticing the tension, the constriction, the subtle ways our bodies hold the "good girl" programming.
Releasing the physical tension: Using somatic practices like breathwork, movement, and mindfulness to discharge the stored emotional energy and create space for new patterns.
Reprogramming the body's responses: Learning to regulate our nervous system, cultivate a sense of safety and groundedness, and embody new ways of being.
By working with the body, not against it, we can create sustainable change that permeates every level of our being – mind, body, and spirit. We can finally rewrite the old script and embody the empowered woman we are meant to be.
Join Us and Let It Burn
Ready to rewrite your story and embody your full potential? Join me for Burn the Good Girl Playbook.